was the vow I took on my wedding day. I assumed that, honestly, it would be more for me and my future needs than my husband’s. However, at that point, I did not realize that I had married “Dr. Mud Flap” (this is my nick name for my husband as he is a southern man and this fits him to a tee!). He is a person who is so susceptible to any new disease that comes down the pike and loves to research his aches and pains. As a result, he spends an inordinate time at the doctor’s office, explaining and describing his maladies. He has a stache of amazing drugs – prescription and over the counter. His knowledge of these drugs is limited to what he read in the sixties – thankfully – and he proclaims to know all remedies available. For, don’t you know, he is smarter than any doctor and can make his own diagnoses. Unfortunately, he is not able to write the necessary prescriptions – in his mind this is a problem, in mine it is a godsend – and must rely on the unreliable people to whom he pays many thousands of dollars for the cure!
This being said, it is only natural that he must have full attention at all times, with regard to his health. This has made my life wonderful – for I have never been ill. Just ask Mud Flap. I can have four children, nurse them through all childhood diseases, take care of all his maladies, and never suffer a day of illness in my life. I remember a time when my fever reached 104 and I was having difficulty getting off the couch when he arrived home from work. He slapped his palm on my head, pronounced me fine and told me to rest after I served dinner and did the dishes – he’d be fine. The next day, he came down with the flu and stayed in bed for a week. Coincidence? I think not…..
This past week, after going to his doctor for his annual physical, he came home and was most put out with the doctor. “He did not even consider giving me a referral for an upper G.I. Even when I described the pain in my esophagus.” I asked what he had said. Sniffing in distain he replied “Take the Nexium he had prescribed to me. “ “Well,” I answered, “Isn’t that a good answer? Don’t you have to take it consistently for it to work….not just on occasion (he had already told me that, but I counted on his faulty memory and his spin on what he wanted done.) “ “If that was the problem I’d know. I know that I need an upper G.I.”
Then came the kicker. “Honey, aren’t you going to the doctor for a colonoscopy next week?” I replied in the affirmative. “Well, why don’t you let me have your appointment and you can remake yours?” (A side bar: it took me three months and a referral to get to the doctors office and it was strictly for me) When I looked at him in utter disbelief, and received the expected “you are sooooo selfish” reply, he then said, “Well, I’ll just go with you and talk to her!”
Such is life with a medical wizard! It is amazing that his knowledge knows no bounds. Such expertise is just unbelievable. And to think that I live with this genius.
How lucky can I be?
No comments:
Post a Comment