When we live with a person for a long period of time, we can become annoyed with habits they either have or develop. After thirty nine years of marriage, Mud Flap and I have developed quite a few that could be considered “unpleasant” or “totally maddening”. As a Prom Queen, I feel certain that I have none of these ugly characteristic behaviors. However, I know that in some eyes I might be an offender in the grandest of senses.
But since this is my story, I only choose to pin point the habits of my darling Mud Flap! Over the years, I have noticed that he has developed the habit of “not closing” the trash masher. This started at our vacation home. I would awaken to an open trash masher every morning of our time spent on vacation. I always wondered if it was broken. I tried to tinker with the machine. It always worked perfectly for me and I assumed that the closing mechanism was only misfiring when used by Mud Flap. One morning, I awoke to find it not only ajar, but opened all the way. This stumped me. When Mud Flap wandered into the kitchen a good three or four hours later (sleep for Mud Flap is one that begins at two am and extends until noon – why bother going to sleep in the dark when you can sleep the day away!) I asked what had happened. Had the machine just refused to close? Was there too much garbage? Was there a living creature that he was trying to nurture? Did that creature need more air?
“Honey” he responded, “I always leave it open so that it doesn’t break. If you use it too much and open and close it too much, it will break. Don’t you understand?” I quietly tried to assimilate this new found information. My mind wandered through the gambit of logical responses to this answer. Was I just too uninformed to think that one could purchase a piece of equipment that could be opened and closed? Was this limitation one that I never realized? Was garbage a real attractive addition to our kitchen and truly needed to be displayed? My puzzlement left me speechless. But, life went on…..
We then acquired a new one in our home when we moved. I was very excited about having one and made sure that closing was in the contract. It was. I determined that this would not be an issue with this new machine. I was assured by the salesman that this was not an issue that had plagued the thousands of customers that had purchased this particular piece of equipment. It seems that this was unique to our trash masher. At first, I delighted in being able to have our garbage “under wraps” so to speak. I never had to enjoy the view of last night’s dinner when coming into the kitchen after my early morning runs. Absolute joy was mine! But, suddenly, in the past few months, the same problem must have developed. Mud Flap began the habit of leaving the trash masher open. It happened gradually. At first, I thought, “he just forgot that this is not an issue with our machine. He has forgotten” I didn’t mention it for fear that this would only encourage this type of behavior. But, alas, the case of the open trash masher continued and is now perpetual. Not only do we have all of our garbage on display for all to see, we are sharing the aroma of “old food” with all…..and our home smells like the city dump! And, to make this even more exciting, I now find all the kitchen cabinets left ajar. After every meal. After every visit to the kitchen. While I sleep, and while Mud Flap has his midnight feasts, they curiously open and stay open for me to find them the next morning.
After a few months of watching this deteriorating situation, I decided to ask Mud Flap about the case of the curiously open cabinet doors and trash masher. While he was showering, after a particularly active day of open cabinets and trash masher, I asked him (very innocently) “Honey, I noticed that the cabinets and trash masher are open. Are you finished in the kitchen? Are you going back to finish a project that has somehow escaped my knowledge?” He responded, ever so innocently, “I noticed that I do that. I guess you could say that I’m just not a closer.” And that ended the conversation.
Amazing, how a really annoying habit can be explained so easily. “I’m not a closer” could probably become an explanation for all that is left undone in our life.
So easy. How could I have missed this? Life is funny…..
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